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As some of you may have heard, I finally just committed to a personal dominatrix domain name and bought it. I expect to have the beginnings of my femdom website available March 1st, which includes moving this blog to that domain. I’m not 100% sure how the move will effect your RSS feeds, but just in case you should bookmark my femdom and fetish twitter feed for announcements. And my dominatrix redbook ad expired! I had no idea these things had expiration dates, but I guess it makes sense that they do. I probably just forgot about that section in the TOS. I will be renewing that ad when I have the new femdom site available. I know I have several slave clients that for whatever reason don’t save my email or phone number and just refer back to my domme redbook ad, so hopefully they’re smart enough to search and find this femdom blog or my twitter in the meantime. When my new site debuts I will have some lovely new dominatrix pictures and expanded list of fetish and femdom services to tempt my submissive slaves.
Image via Wikipedia
As many of you know I had some hard times in 2010, and I spent the whole last half of November and the entire month of December being totally burned out. I know many of you follow my twitter and have seen countless complaints about chronic pain, insomnia, problems at the day job, losing my photo studio, and ongoing problems with utilities and ants in my new warehouse space. I took several vacations, but it was only on the trip to Calistoga, gift from a generous gentleman, that I was truly able to relax. I had a spa night up there with the mud bath and mineral water jacuzzi. That was the first night in several months that I was able to relax enough to fall asleep and stay asleep for an appropriate amount of time. It was the mineral water that really did it for me, and I look forward to be able to go back a little more frequently. It wasn’t very expensive so if you are looking for a gift I can let you know who in Calistoga to call to get me a spa trip.
I don’t know if I’m feeling any more balanced in this whole work/life thing. My work as a femdom is just so personal that a lot of the times I feel like I’m not working at all. It’s also difficult having to sell yourself to people, as any self-employed, small business owner or salesperson knows. It can get really deeply personal when you’re rejected or fail to make a connection. I remember it being like this in the strip club, and trying to work through the issues at that time. I think I’m in a much better place mentally now, but it still hurts sometimes and it can get exhausting.
I have some big personal goals for 2011, and I hope for you all to be a part of them! Keep following for updates and get in contact. I would love to hear from the folks in my fan club.
James Courtney is a fantastic photographer and illustrator that I’ve worked with several times, and has been a long time friend of cyber-dyke.net. I’m pleased to announce that he has an art show coming up in San Francisco, with illustrations of myself and many other familiar faces of the fetish scene.
This October the Wicked Grounds sex and coffee shop in San Francisco hosts the pin-up art of illustrator James Courtney of Nakedcomix.com! This is James’ second solo show in San Francisco and he will be presenting 15 of his favorite illustrations. On October 3rd there will be an artist’s reception from noon to 4pm, with the artist on hand to meet and greet his fans. James Courtney has been doing pin-up illustration for nearly 9 years for his web site Nakedcomix. He has worked with some of the sexiest models in the Bay Area. This show at Wicked Grounds will be featuring pin-ups of many top local models such as Cherry Katonic, Raven Le Faye, Scarlet Faux, Maggie Mayhem and others.
The Wicked Grounds is located at 289 8th Street, San Francisco CA. It is San Francisco’s kinkiest sex and coffee shop, and is now celebrating its one-year anniversary. They regularly present art from many notable members of San Francisco’s sex-positive community. To find out more about them, you can visit their web site at www.wickedgrounds.com.
To find out more about the art of James Courtney, you can visit his web site at Nakedcomix.com or email him directly at comixguy at nakedcomix.com.
When I first arrived in San Francisco I had about a dozen men who were more than happy to show me around the fetish scene. They seemed like nice enough guys, and I didn’t really know where else to go, so I took the help that was offered. I think they were expecting me to be more innocent or wide-eyed or willing to fuck them. I wasn’t any of the above, so most of them disappeared into the shadows. I also expressed my interested in playing with female switches, and never really made much connection. There seemed to be a lot of talk and show, but private playtime was something totally different. I have some horrible stories. There is one woman in particular that was wonderful, but she moved away to go to school and I lost track of her. I ended up playing with a lot of guys, because they were everywhere and I didn’t think I cared that much about the gender of my partners. It took about two years for that to go downhill. It was a male dom that claimed to be a professional that pretty much ruined the scene for me. He was controlling in ways that were unsafe and unreasonable, thought he had some sort of claim to me and all my time, and didn’t really respect my boundaries. One night I actually thought he might kill me. He broke up with me after I didn’t give him enough attention at a party. I didn’t really care what he thought at that point.
I spent years being confused and unhappy about this whole situation. I left the scene for several years and tried to figure out what went wrong. Eventually I figured out that I wasn’t submissive at all, and I just got that position because that seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I also decided that I was considerably more interested in women than in men. When I returned to the scene it was as a dominant queer woman. I’m still not very involved with the local scene. I ran a munch for a while, and I might help run it again. I never bothered to get a membership at the local bdsm club because I just don’t have much interest in playing in public. A spanking or a foot worship scene here or there is ok, but I’m not going to display my personal relationships. You’ve never seen my long term partners in any of my porn or videos, and you probably won’t ever.
I am so much happier now playing in private with select clients and partners or performing on video in safe and well organized scenes. I am an exhibitionist, but I have no ambitions to be a celebrity. My value is not measured in how many people know my name or how many pictures of me are floating around the internet. I am a rare and precious jewel. When you play with me you will know that you have been specially selected to enter a very exclusive club.
I suppose I should write a bit about how I got into fetish and BDSM.
I grew up in a very very small midwestern town. There was no library, and the fire station was a good twenty minutes away and on the other side of the railroad tracks. My family was not on a farm but many of our neighbors had horses, cows, chickens and gardens that made them self-sufficient. I had absolutely no exposure to anything except through broadcast TV and the few music magazines I could pick up when we went into town. With one exception, for some bizarre reason my parents thought it was a good idea to send me and one of my friends to see Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was 15. My parents never talked to me about sex. They couldn’t even say the word sex to me. I pretty much got my sex education from Rocky Horror Picture Show. True story.
When I was in high school I was sent off to a school three hours away and lived in a dorm facility. There were a bunch of us there and it was a college town so I suddenly had everything I wanted and could get away with all sorts of trouble. I was a goth kid, and in this town there were about half a dozen goths, four ravers, a couple of punks, and other such subcultural types. We all stuck together because we had to. We all went to the raves, the punk shows, the metal shows, and the goth club night. The goth club night didn’t last very long, and was replaced with a fetish night. You were supposed to be over 18 to get in, but nobody seemed to care much that two high school goth kids were sitting in a bar at the fetish night event.
The fetish night wasn’t really very exciting. There was a belly dancer, a human fruit platter, and a flogging demonstration under dramatic lighting. There wasn’t any more bare skin than what you would see at the beach. I didn’t think it was very scandalous at all. It wasn’t particularly exciting or arousing. It was just a fun night out. I left that small town three months after I turned 18 and came out to San Francisco with a couple of boxes and my carry-on luggage.
The fetish scene out here was very comfortable and natural. I didn’t have any sex toys or BDSM equipment, but I had a hell of a lot of fun at the parties and clubs. It felt like home. It felt healthy and natural. Of all the things I’ve seen and done out here in San Francisco nothing has been as sick and twisted as some of the things I saw in the small town. Out here I run into some, “yeah whatever, freak” but it’s nothing like the “are you serious? that doesn’t seem healthy” that I saw back in the small town. People were seriously repressed back in the small town and it turned into some really unhealthy things. I have not met anyone out here with any sort of fetish or desire that is really truly unhealthy, and people have admitted some serious dark secrets to me.
So that’s me. Rocky Horror Picture Show as sex-ed and sneaking into “fetish” clubs at 16. Actual fetish fun when I was 18 in San Francisco.
