I’m well aware that many of my clients are married, divorced or dating. I find that married and divorced guys tend to be more compliant and respectful, and I like that. I always sort of wonder what I would do if I got an angry call from a wife. I like to think that what I do is relatively innocent. I’m not trying to take a man away from his family. In fact a good sex worker has good boundaries and won’t do anything that would take the guy from his marriage. I could go on and on about how I think our society’s ideas about relationships are dysfunctional and how it’s a feminist issue that women aren’t interested in or have any understanding of fetishes. I think Mistress Penny Barber sums it up well in her article The Wife and the Dominatrix: Sex Workers for Couples.
I am personally open to the idea of couples coming in for a session or a wife being involved with her husband’s fetish life. I’ve had people inquire about bringing their wives or girlfriends, but I have very strict rules about how it works. If a woman is going to join her partner for a session I need to make sure that she is 100% comfortable with the situation and isn’t going to be terribly upset after the experience. I honestly don’t recommend this for most couples, unless the woman is curious and initializes the session. If a woman just wants to talk and learn more about fetishes, bdsm and these practices I would be more than happy to chat with her or refer her to some informational resources.
Image via Wikipedia
As many of you know I had some hard times in 2010, and I spent the whole last half of November and the entire month of December being totally burned out. I know many of you follow my twitter and have seen countless complaints about chronic pain, insomnia, problems at the day job, losing my photo studio, and ongoing problems with utilities and ants in my new warehouse space. I took several vacations, but it was only on the trip to Calistoga, gift from a generous gentleman, that I was truly able to relax. I had a spa night up there with the mud bath and mineral water jacuzzi. That was the first night in several months that I was able to relax enough to fall asleep and stay asleep for an appropriate amount of time. It was the mineral water that really did it for me, and I look forward to be able to go back a little more frequently. It wasn’t very expensive so if you are looking for a gift I can let you know who in Calistoga to call to get me a spa trip.
I don’t know if I’m feeling any more balanced in this whole work/life thing. My work as a femdom is just so personal that a lot of the times I feel like I’m not working at all. It’s also difficult having to sell yourself to people, as any self-employed, small business owner or salesperson knows. It can get really deeply personal when you’re rejected or fail to make a connection. I remember it being like this in the strip club, and trying to work through the issues at that time. I think I’m in a much better place mentally now, but it still hurts sometimes and it can get exhausting.
I have some big personal goals for 2011, and I hope for you all to be a part of them! Keep following for updates and get in contact. I would love to hear from the folks in my fan club.
I started working as a stripper in 2001 and have been consistently employing myself with adult work since then. Somehow I grew up with a strong conservative anti-sex feminist morality perspective and thought that strip clubs were dangerous and bad places. I had a friend who had worked as a stripper for about two days before giving it up because she didn’t like being naked. I trusted her and if the main problem with strip clubs was being naked in front of people then I shouldn’t have any problem! She didn’t think the customers or the location itself was a problem, it was just her personal nudity issue. Eventually I came around to realizing that if strip clubs are employing vast numbers of women then they can’t be all that dangerous for women. They need to keep their employees safe after all. I was really happy when I worked as a stripper. The women I worked with were fantastic. I met a lot of interesting guys and I loved dancing. I didn’t like having to hustle for money. I just felt like a beggar and felt like I deserved to be paid without having to beg. I had some issues with the management, the money we had to pay them, and the way women wouldn’t stand up for themselves to sleazy manager.
A lot of people have misconceptions about the adult industry, adult work, and sex work clients. There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and sexuality in general really. It seems like you have to work in the industry or hire a sex worker in order to debunk the misconceptions for yourself. This article, Why I’m Happy I Became a Prostitute , explains one woman’s journey much better than I’m expressing myself here.
My first trip to Las Vegas was very interesting. I was there for the Desiree Alliance convention, so I was hanging out with other folks involved in the adult industry. My first day there I decided to go for a walk in the middle of the day and get my nails done. The manicure and pedicure was really mediocre, and walking that much in the heat was not exactly the best idea. I got my nails done in a sexy dark blue color, that everyone loved even though my nails started chipping right away.
I ended up getting really sick in the middle of the week and missed out on a lot of fun. I ate something bad I guess. I have never been that sick. In fact I was so ill that I was sitting in the hot tub and there was an orgy happening in front of me and I didn’t really care. Didn’t have a chance to make a trip to the range to shoot machine guns. However, for about an hour when I stopped puking I managed to get myself in a limo and go down to the New Rocks outlet store in downtown Las Vegas. That was tremendously exciting. The limo driver was really excited to have someone interesting in his car, and the guy at the New Rocks outlet was really sweet and helpful. I have been waiting to go to the New Rocks outlet for literally ten years. I bought myself some gorgeous boots, and I wear them everywhere. Maybe if you’re lucky I’ll snap some photos or even possibly trample you with them. And then as soon as I got back to the hotel I started vomiting again. Not exactly my fetish.
I also went to the footnight party and was surprised at how slow it was! The party was held at a really beautiful venue in a really strange neighborhood. I spent a good amount of time chatting with the guy that owned the place about sex clubs and night clubs in San Francisco. I met up with a good friend from LA before the party and we went together. I also met a couple of very interesting guys at the party, but it was really very slow. I was a bit disappointed that Las Vegas didn’t live up to the “sin city” name, because there was a distinct lack of sinning on my part.
Because I was so ill and so busy I didn’t get to the strip at all. I didn’t get to gamble like I wanted to. I got as far as putting $20 in the slot machine, but I didn’t get to play dice or cards. I am really disappointed that I didn’t get to the range to shoot all the guns you can’t get here in California. I also didn’t get nearly enough playtime! I had a wonderful date before the footnight party, but that was all.
I’m hoping to go back in the spring for a work and play trip. I’m starting to meet more people in interesting travel destinations, so I look forward to being able to travel more frequently.
Watch me show off my bunny with a gun tattoo on 12seconds.tv. Not something I show off to just anyone!
When I first arrived in San Francisco I had about a dozen men who were more than happy to show me around the fetish scene. They seemed like nice enough guys, and I didn’t really know where else to go, so I took the help that was offered. I think they were expecting me to be more innocent or wide-eyed or willing to fuck them. I wasn’t any of the above, so most of them disappeared into the shadows. I also expressed my interested in playing with female switches, and never really made much connection. There seemed to be a lot of talk and show, but private playtime was something totally different. I have some horrible stories. There is one woman in particular that was wonderful, but she moved away to go to school and I lost track of her. I ended up playing with a lot of guys, because they were everywhere and I didn’t think I cared that much about the gender of my partners. It took about two years for that to go downhill. It was a male dom that claimed to be a professional that pretty much ruined the scene for me. He was controlling in ways that were unsafe and unreasonable, thought he had some sort of claim to me and all my time, and didn’t really respect my boundaries. One night I actually thought he might kill me. He broke up with me after I didn’t give him enough attention at a party. I didn’t really care what he thought at that point.
I spent years being confused and unhappy about this whole situation. I left the scene for several years and tried to figure out what went wrong. Eventually I figured out that I wasn’t submissive at all, and I just got that position because that seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I also decided that I was considerably more interested in women than in men. When I returned to the scene it was as a dominant queer woman. I’m still not very involved with the local scene. I ran a munch for a while, and I might help run it again. I never bothered to get a membership at the local bdsm club because I just don’t have much interest in playing in public. A spanking or a foot worship scene here or there is ok, but I’m not going to display my personal relationships. You’ve never seen my long term partners in any of my porn or videos, and you probably won’t ever.
I am so much happier now playing in private with select clients and partners or performing on video in safe and well organized scenes. I am an exhibitionist, but I have no ambitions to be a celebrity. My value is not measured in how many people know my name or how many pictures of me are floating around the internet. I am a rare and precious jewel. When you play with me you will know that you have been specially selected to enter a very exclusive club.
I suppose I should write a bit about how I got into fetish and BDSM.
I grew up in a very very small midwestern town. There was no library, and the fire station was a good twenty minutes away and on the other side of the railroad tracks. My family was not on a farm but many of our neighbors had horses, cows, chickens and gardens that made them self-sufficient. I had absolutely no exposure to anything except through broadcast TV and the few music magazines I could pick up when we went into town. With one exception, for some bizarre reason my parents thought it was a good idea to send me and one of my friends to see Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was 15. My parents never talked to me about sex. They couldn’t even say the word sex to me. I pretty much got my sex education from Rocky Horror Picture Show. True story.
When I was in high school I was sent off to a school three hours away and lived in a dorm facility. There were a bunch of us there and it was a college town so I suddenly had everything I wanted and could get away with all sorts of trouble. I was a goth kid, and in this town there were about half a dozen goths, four ravers, a couple of punks, and other such subcultural types. We all stuck together because we had to. We all went to the raves, the punk shows, the metal shows, and the goth club night. The goth club night didn’t last very long, and was replaced with a fetish night. You were supposed to be over 18 to get in, but nobody seemed to care much that two high school goth kids were sitting in a bar at the fetish night event.
The fetish night wasn’t really very exciting. There was a belly dancer, a human fruit platter, and a flogging demonstration under dramatic lighting. There wasn’t any more bare skin than what you would see at the beach. I didn’t think it was very scandalous at all. It wasn’t particularly exciting or arousing. It was just a fun night out. I left that small town three months after I turned 18 and came out to San Francisco with a couple of boxes and my carry-on luggage.
The fetish scene out here was very comfortable and natural. I didn’t have any sex toys or BDSM equipment, but I had a hell of a lot of fun at the parties and clubs. It felt like home. It felt healthy and natural. Of all the things I’ve seen and done out here in San Francisco nothing has been as sick and twisted as some of the things I saw in the small town. Out here I run into some, “yeah whatever, freak” but it’s nothing like the “are you serious? that doesn’t seem healthy” that I saw back in the small town. People were seriously repressed back in the small town and it turned into some really unhealthy things. I have not met anyone out here with any sort of fetish or desire that is really truly unhealthy, and people have admitted some serious dark secrets to me.
So that’s me. Rocky Horror Picture Show as sex-ed and sneaking into “fetish” clubs at 16. Actual fetish fun when I was 18 in San Francisco.
I grew up out in the country, as many of you know, and it was pretty boring. When I got old enough to be interested in the world beyond the white picket fence I started riding my bike. I would ride for miles and miles through the country, into the next county to see the cows at a dairy farm and up across the state line into Michigan. Cycling of course build up leg muscles. I had long legs to begin with, and the cycling just made me more leggy. I couldn’t fit into pantyhose, so in high school I started wearing stockings because they fit better. I also loved high heels because I loved how they made my feet look. I was pretty kinky from a young age. I think I knew I was hot, and knew I had great legs. I also went into ballet in high school, so more toned legs and feet there.
I knew I had great legs and I loved feet, stockings, socks and shoes, but I never really connected them with a fetish until I heard about this new foot fetish website. I expressed interest in this website and ended up taking over as webmistress of FootFemme.com. I didn’t expect to be so involved in the foot fetish scene, but I also started going to the foot fetish parties. I don’t think I realized how much of a foot fetish I had until I had this huge audience of worshipers begging to touch my feet.
These days I keep my feet well pedicured and protected from damage. I like wearing sandals and fetish shoes because I know my feet look good. I love seeing foot fetish clients, and if you mention seeing my blog I give a discount on foot worship only private sessions at my dungeon.
For those of you that are not in the San Francisco Bay area or that have a tight budget you can now see me on webcam at Mistress Fetish
I like making myself available and accessible so that you can get in touch with me in a way that is convenient and discreet. There are some things that you need to consider if you want to please your mistress.
1. I generally answer my phone between 3-10pm. Sometimes I’ll pick up earlier or later if I’m in the mood and not sleeping. I do return calls so if you get voicemail just leave a polite brief message with your name. Don’t leave multiple voicemail messages if I haven’t answered your first one yet. Don’t call multiple times and hang up. I have caller ID.
2. You will also need to unblock your phone number. You won’t find many pro-dommes or other adult industry workers that answer calls from blocked numbers.
3. Don’t send pictures attached to emails. Just don’t. I’m sure you are a very attractive man, but I’m really more interested in your attitude and how well you serve.
4. When you call or IM keep the conversation focused. I know there is some amount of information we need to exchange to book a session, but I’m not going to give you my life story or recount numerous other experiences or go into detail about my appearance or go through a session step-by-step. If you are serious you need to have some amount of trust. If you can’t trust me then I can’t help you. And if you’re a wanker you aren’t going to get anything out of me.
